It comes to something when the press spell something wrong in print, but when they spell it wrong on their placards screaming "look how stupid we are" it takes it to another level.

Successive governments have claimed to be spending more money on education, and into teaching English in particular. A few years back some bright spark thought it would be a good idea to keep behind the kids who didn't score at least a C grade in their Maths and English GCSEs. That's genius, they haven't bothered to take an interest in their schooling for  the last 12 years of their life, so let's see if they'll take an interest now.

A cynic would say that this is keeping them off of damning statistics while others may see it as a way of saying that you're not officially thick until you're 18.

If they'd brought this rule in years ago we'd never have had the delights of Slade, the illiterate band from Wolverhampton. Noddy and the boys would still be in school 46 years after they would have had their first hit. You could just imagine the interchange between Dave Lee and the teacher, "Whats the square root of 9," " I ain't got a clue Miss, but I've painted a busting tear drop on me cheek." Let's have a look at their back catalogue and how well it did for them:

  • 1971 Coz I Luv You ............... ...................................Reached Number 1
  • 1971 Look Wot You Dun ......................................... Reached Number 4
  • 1972 Take Me Bak Ome ......................................... Reached Number 1
  • 1972 Mama Weer All Crazee Now ......................... Reached Number 1
  • 1972 Gudbuy To Jane ............................................ Reached Number 2
  • 1973 Cum On Fell The Noize ................................ Reached Number 1
  • 1973 Skweeze Me, Pleeze Me ............................... Reached Number 1

It was during that fateful year, 1973, that the record company must have brought in somebody who could spell as the executives were sick of going to industry functions and having the piss ripped out of them due to the band's inability to get even simple words right. The riting was on the wall for Slade's career, they had two more hits in 1973, My Friend Stan, and the one that has your granny up rock and rolling with the rest, Merry Xmas Everybody. Until in 1976, 8 singles later, Nobody's Fool peaked at number 53, perhaps if the executives had swallowed their pride and let the boys call it Nubuduy's Fool things might have been different. But it was all over in terms of chart topping for Slade.

Things have changed nowadays and ironically, you only need to sell about 53 singles to get to number one. So why not give it another go, Noddy and the lads, and write a song using text talk, at least you'll be down with the kids.

Still, they're not the only ones who get things wrong. You would think that if the tattooer and the tattooee is not very good at spelling they would ask for help, or at least put it into a spell checker before actually committing it to the skin for all eternity. But no, a fool and his dignity are soon parted, I know it's a misquote, but I'm getting tired. I've put together this little montage of epic tattoo fails in a bid to inspire Slade to get creative again and take us back to those heady days before being able to spell became fashionable.

Younger readers may like to google Slade to get an idea of what I'm going on about, but be sure not to mix them up with eighties songstress Sade as that will open up another can of spelling worms.

 Darko On Radio Woking

Tattoo Wotzine

It Certainly is

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What? Drink, Tattoo, Hamburger?

Apostrophes seem to be a recurring problem

 

 That looks as though it stung as well.

 

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